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- Mark TwainBy all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.- SocratesI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.- Groucho MarxMy wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.- Jimmy DuranteI have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.- Zsa Zsa GaborOnly Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.- Alex LevineMy luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.- Rodney DangerfieldMoney can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.- Spike MilliganUntil I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.- Joe NamathI don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.- Bob HopeI never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it...- W. C. FieldsWe could certainly slow the aging process down if it had. ‘Thanks for not lying. Do you want to see my tits?’ ‘Please yourself.’ Stacey pulled off her thick top and then undid her bra and said happily, ‘Out they tumble.’ ‘Jesus.’ ‘Yeah I like the look of them too,’ she said. ‘Want to suck one.’ ‘I’m already eating a meat sandwich.’ She laughed and said he was funny. When they were drinking coffee Stacey said, ‘Are you comfortable about having sex with me?’ ‘Yes, absolutely. What will your boyfriend think?’ ‘He won’t know. He’s away with some buddies to watch car racing this weekend.’ There was a little silence until Stacey said, ‘Do you mind if I refer to sex as fucking?’ ‘No, but I thought people up here would have been too conservative to use that term.’ ‘Don’t you think people often are not what you expect?’ Buck knew by the sound of that he might not win this one. ‘You are a very able debater.’ ‘And I think you can help me to fuck better to please my boyfriend and his successors unless he does come up with a proposal of marriage.’.
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